Smarting Us Up

Carnival of Natural Parenting

2010-09-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

Just a heads up for those interested....today on my other blog, This Holistic Life, I posted a piece called Not Back to School: How We Learn at Home for the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. It's my first carnival submission and I'm pretty excited about it! Make sure you scroll down for lots of great links all about this month's topic: learning at home.

Enjoy!

Scenes from the Wilds of Suburbia

2010-09-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

My very first attempt at a nature sketch.

This is the plant I was attempting to sketch. Not bad, right?? Anybody know what it is?

Logan took this one. All of these were taken on the trail that runs alongside our neighborhood.

Watch out for thorns!

How cool is this?? It's very viny and thorny back there.

Gypsy moth nest. I think. There were caterpillars in there.

Logan was enamored of the y-shaped stick.

Critter hole. We watched it for a while, but alas, nothing came out.

Towering pines.

The artiste at work.

Logan in a tree that I'm trying to identify. I know NOTHING about trees.

These are the leaves. Red maple, right? Or is it sycamore? According to my field guide the leaves are very similar.


And what's this tree, with the long pod-looking things?

As you can tell, I'm about as amateur a naturalist as you can get. But I'm enthusiastic and determined to learn! At the ripe age of 47, I am suddenly passionate about the ecosystem of the great state of New Jersey, where I've lived my entire life, completely oblivious to the local flora and fauna. Just goes to show, you never know when a new passion will strike, and it's never too late to learn. If anybody can help with identifying those trees, so I can properly fill out my nature journal, I'd appreciate it!

.....Aaaaand We're Back

2010-09-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

Hello, my lovely fellow homeschoolers! Did you miss me while I was gone, launching my new blog?

I had toyed with the idea of deleting this one permanently, but now that I've found my groove over at THL, I think I can handle both. Plus, this blog is an important record of the things we do as homeschoolers. I found myself wanting to write about our adventures today, on this, our official Not Back-to-School Day.

When September rolls around, I realize that I'm not completely deschooled, and may never be. I'm not even sure I want to be. I loved school when I was a kid, and especially loved all the preparations leading up to the first day. I was excited to buy all my supplies--the new Trapper Keeper, folders, crisp white paper and pens, and of course new clothes, too. But more than anything, I loved the feeling of a fresh start, a feeling that still comes over me like clockwork every September.

Just like last September, I'm starting this new school year (see? I'm still thinking in terms like "school year") feeling like we need more structure in our days. I'm also having math panic. Last year, I bought Logan a 2nd grade math curriculum that came highly recommended called Math Mammoth. I was thrilled when, in the beginning of the year, I didn't even have to ask him to work in it. He had always loved math, and was enthusiastic about his new workbooks. See? I said to my skeptical husband. Unschooling works. I just leave it out and he does it. (To my hardcore unschooling compatriots: yes, I'm aware that leaving out a workbook in the fervent hope that your kid will just spontaneously decide to do it is not unschooling. And, as it turns out, not realistic.)

Of course, just a few weeks in, he tired of them, and like the good unschooler I was trying to be, I put them away and never mentioned them again. Now, as any homeschooling parent knows, math and numbers are a part of everyday life. A kid doesn't need workbooks to pick up a basic understanding of math, and Logan knows how to add and subtract, keep track of his scores on video games, and do simple money transactions (thanks to Monopoly). He does not, however, know how to carry or borrow, he doesn't know his multiplication tables, and he doesn't know how to read an analog clock--all things he would have learned last year, in second grade.

So, it seems that I have now joined the camp of people who unschool everything but math. My older kids asked to go back to public school after several years of homeschooling, and because I had insisted they keep up with grade-level math, they were actually ahead of their peers when they returned to school. I really believe I'll be doing Logan a disservice if I don't ensure that he has the same option. Life learning should be about expanding choices, not limiting them. If that makes me more of an eclectic homeschooler than an unschooler, then so be it. As I began to realize last year, we're kind of a hybrid. More relaxed and radical than the other families in our local homeschooling group, but more structured and conservative than some of the families we've met at unschooling conferences. This year, I'm going to embrace our unique brand of homeschooling and let my intuition guide me to do what's best for our family.

I've also added a little focus to our days by highlighting whatever wacky (or sometimes serious) National Day it is, and using that as a jumping off point. I bought a whiteboard for the kitchen, and each day I'll write "Today is National Whatever Day". I also plan to write a quote-of-the-day. So, without further ado, here's what we did today:

Yep, we did a page of math. After I dug out last year's workbook and had a talk with him about why I was suddenly insisting that he do at least a page of math a day, we sat down together and I showed him how to tell time. On an actual non-digital clock.

We went for a morning walk around our neighborhood. Well, technically, I walked, and Logan rode his bike. We plan to make the morning walk a daily event.

We celebrated National Grandma Moses Day! I found a website with a short kid-friendly bio, which I read aloud to Logan, and then we looked at some of her paintings together online. We talked about how maybe having discovered a new passion so late in life helped her live to be 101.

We played Oceanolopy. It's Monopoly with sea life. We played it for a really, really long time. :) As I mentioned earlier, Monopoly is great for learning about money management.

We went to the BMX track. Logan is new to BMX racing, and wanted to go to the track to practice. He rode his bike, and I sat in the shade and read.

We went to the library. We saw not one, but two, monarch butterflies today, and so we stopped at the library to find some books about monarchs and learn about their migration route. We walked out with a huge pile of books!

We baked cookies. When we came home we made really easy gluten-free almond butter chocolate chunk cookies (from Clean Eating magazine). I burnt them a little, but they were still yummy.

Interspersed throughout all this activity was some MarioKart with friends, and a visit from the birthday boy, my oldest son Zachary. A very busy Not Back-to-School Day indeed!

I've Moved!

2010-06-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I'm thrilled to announce that my new blog is up and running. The focus will be on holistic living, which includes natural parenting and unschooling, so I'll no longer be writing about those things here. Please check out the new blog, and let me know what you think. If you like what you see, please become a subscriber and pass along the link. Thanks, and hope to see you at This Holistic Life!

Moving Soon!

2010-06-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

To a new blog, that is. I've really been feeling inspired lately to expand my focus beyond unschooling and write about my other passions--simplicity, wellness, spirituality--and how they all fit together to create a whole, balanced life. My involvement with our local Holistic Moms Network chapter has ignited a desire to start sharing what I've learned over the years with others. I'm so excited to have a reason to dive deeply into my favorite topics! Of course, since unschooling and natural learning are, for me, an important part of a holistic lifestyle, I'll still be writing about those, too.

Since my new blog will have a different tone and look than this one, I think it's best to move house and start fresh. Check back soon for the link to my new home, This Holistic Life.

And now for something completely different....Oil Pulling

2010-05-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of an experiment that is turning out to be verrrry interesting, so I thought I'd better start keeping a record of it. A while back, I was online looking for natural treatments for gum disease, and I found a site about natural remedies called Earth Clinic. I was fascinated to read about a simple therapy called oil pulling, which supposedly cured a whole range of ailments. My interest was piqued at the time, but not enough to actually try it. Instead I ended up ordering a product called OraMD, which worked miracles on my gums. But, it's expensive and I ran out, and I ended up going back to brushing with plain old toothpaste, and all my problems returned. At my last visit to the periodontist, the predictions were dire: I am in danger of losing one of my front teeth and a couple back molars due to bone loss, and they want to either yank out the tooth and replace it with an implant now (to the tune of $4000!!), or do some kind of iffy bone graft procedure on the root. I can't afford either one of those options right now, so I was in wait-and-see mode, trying to decide if I really want to go into further debt over this.

In the midst of all my dithering, this past weekend I developed an abscess behind my bad front tooth. I've had these before, and they usually require a trip to the dentist and a course of antibiotics. But, it was the weekend, and I was in pain, and something made me remember the oil pulling. One of the things it's supposed to heal is gum infections. I also remembered that the miraculous OraMD stuff was made completely out of natural oils. Soooo, on Sunday morning, as per the instructions on the Earth Clinic site, I swished a tablespoon of olive oil (mixed with a drop of peppermint oil) around in my mouth before eating breakfast. You're supposed to do it for twenty minutes, until the oil turns thin and white in your mouth, but I felt like I was going to gag and so I spit it out after ten. But still, there was a noticeable reduction in the pain and swelling of the abscess. Hmmm....

Yesterday morning, I did it again, and lasted the entire twenty minutes. By the end of the day, my abscess was completely gone. Totally healed. But there were a few other interesting things. The first is I had awakened earlier than usual feeling very refreshed. This is one of the things they say will happen. Another is that immediately after doing it, I felt really, really good. Kind of buzzed, actually. Before I even had any coffee! And the third thing is that yesterday afternoon, I started coughing up mucus--another one of the promised effects of the therapy. Okay, now I was getting really excited. I went back online and did some more research. Google "oil pulling" and you'll find hundreds of testimonials by people who swear it has completely cured them of all of the medical complaints. At the very least, people say it reversed their gum disease and made their teeth whiter.

But the thing I am now most hopeful about is that many, many people say that it improved their arthritis. I have degenerative osteoarthritis and can barely move after a busy waitress shift. My hands, knees, feet and shoulders have some degree of pain and stiffness pretty much all the time. My rheumatologist wants me to take 4000 mg of Tylenol a day. Yeah, that's not happening, so I pretty much just live with it. But if I could get some relief with a simply, natural therapy like oil pulling? And get whiter, healthy teeth to boot? Well now, that might be pretty miraculous indeed.

Book Sharing Monday

2010-04-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished a fantastic book that I had to share, Bloodroot by Amy Greene. This is one of those rare books in which the characters and the setting are so vividly drawn that they seemed real to me. It's a multi-generational family saga that takes place in the Appalachians. The author grew up (and still lives) in East Tennessee, and her love for the area comes through loud and clear in her descriptions of Bloodroot Mountain, the physical heart of the story.

The novel is told in the first person by six different characters, each with a unique voice, each connected through blood, love, or violence--sometimes all three. Is there a family curse, or is it just the curse--and blessing--of being human? This is one of those novels destined to win awards for its first-time author, and will probably show up on the big screen before too long. As I read it, I couldn't help thinking about which actors should be in the movie! It will stick with me for a long time.

AWESOMEness

2010-04-23T11:17:00.000-07:00

I found this great blog earlier, 1000 Awesome Things, and Logan and I spent a very pleasant hour reading some of the entries together. Then we were talking about writing, and blogging, and he decided he wanted to start his own blog, so with no further ado, here is Logan's very first blog entry--about his latest passion, Pokemon--at Logan 101. (A title he came up with, by the way!)

More awesomeness: Yesterday we visited Wheaton Village with our wonderful homeschool group, and got to see a glass pitcher being handblown right in front of our eyes, as well as over 7000 pieces of glass in the museum! The museum lady almost had a heart attack when she saw how many kids there were, but they were all very respectful and interested. (Of course, they're homeschooled!)

Logan's favorite part of the day was watching a man make a clay pitcher and a bowl on a pottery wheel. It was very cool. He made it look so easy! They teach classes there. I think we'll definitely be looking into that.

Love Them Like a Rock

2010-04-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, Logan was NOT happy. We had been on a homeschool outing with some other families, and we had just stopped at a restaurant to eat. He was tired, hungry, grouchy, upset that we didn't go to Friendly's, and frustrated that his DS froze up on him. He was taking it out on us. When we settled into our booth, he was rude and surly, refused to look at the menu, refused to talk to the waitress, threw a coaster at me, and was just generally unpleasant.

At that point, Ely and I had a choice. We could parent him the conventional way, using some combination of reward and/or consequence. I work in a restaurant, and so I see this form of parenting every day--threaten the kid with leaving, or with no dessert, or yell, or bribe. I've waited on many, many families sitting in stony silence because of the parents' reaction to their kids' behavior.

Or, we could love him like a rock. As my boy sat there and huffed and sulked, I had this vision of myself as a solid unshakeable rock, being buffeted by a storm. The rock isn't affected by the storm, the rock can't be hurt. The rock is simply the rock, before, during and after the storm.

We were our usual cheerful selves. We didn't ignore him, but we didn't make a big deal about his mood either. I offered to order for him if he didn't feel like talking to the waitress, and he tearfully agreed. We ordered his favorites. We suggested that he take a break from the DS if it was upsetting him so, and he threw it across the table. I calmly picked it up and put it in my purse with no comment. I pointed out that it must suck to be so miserable, and I reminded him of one of my core beliefs, that he could simply decide to be happy if he wanted to. He could let go of the bad mood.

He wasn't interested in doing any of the puzzles on the kids menu, so Ely and I started the word search by ourselves. Well, before long, he wanted to do it with us. By the time the food came, he was back to his old self. He had decided to let go of his bad mood. We jokingly asked, "Hey, what happened to that other kid that was here??" Logan answered, "He ran away to Arizona," as he happily spooned up his mac and cheese.

After dinner (which he didn't finish, by the way) he had a sundae, because we always get him dessert if he wants it, no matter what. (He didn't finish that either.)

As we left the restaurant, with Logan's bad mood all but forgotten and with our happy family feelings intact, I couldn't help but think of all the parents who would have handled that whole scenario very differently than we did. I am so grateful we discovered unschooling, which has helped me unearth my inner ROCK.

Sorting and Counting Hot Wheels

2010-03-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I noticed Logan was being awfully quiet in his room, and when I went to investigate here's what I found:

He had sorted all of his Hot Wheels and Matchboxes by color! Right after I took this pic, he asked for help counting them, and here's the final tally.

Silver--37
Gold--12
Pink--5
White--45
Green--42
Black--42
Brown--12
Yellow--40
Red--96
Blue--96
"Special" cars in a display of favorites that didn't get sorted--59

Grand total--485!! Wow! We knew he had a lot of cars (he gets a new one every time we go to the grocery store, plus multi-packs for all birthdays and holidays) but had no idea there were so many. I told him there are probably more around here that didn't get counted, in the couch, under furniture, outside, in my car. If we find anymore, we'll update the tally. I'm thrilled to be able to share his passion with him!

National Pi Day!

2010-03-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

We did some fun stuff for National Pi Day. Logan would like to tell you in his own words:

It was a very fun day. We made a pi pie. We also made a pi paper chain. Each color represented a digit. Even though this has nothing to do with pi, I made a splatter paint picture. So here are some pics:

Best. Comic. EVER.

2010-02-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

Logan and I just read all six episodes of this awesome comic, written by a 5-year-old, and illustrated by his 29-year-old brother. Episode 7 comes out later today!

Later on, we'll be packing for our long snowy drive to the Unschool Winter Waterpark Gathering in Ohio. It'll be our second conference, and we're so excited! I'm especially looking forward to the keynote speaker, John Taylor Gatto, who wrote Dumbing Us Down (and whose title was the inspiration for the title of this blog!)

Back in Action!

2010-02-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

Took some time off while I thought about what I wanted this blog to be. I had been focusing only on our homeschooling, while leaving out all the messy, juicy LIFE stuff and so of course the result was...well, a little dry.

Plus, what I'm finally, finally starting to really GET, deep down in my bones, is that because we are unschoolers, all that messy, juicy life stuff IS learning. Once you've been living this way for a while (and we're coming up on a year now), you realize that you can't separate out the "unschooling" from everything else. It's ALL learning, ALL the time. It seems silly to me now that we ever thought about it any other way.

Our unschooling encompasses everything we're into at the moment. For Logan, that means learning how to find shortcuts on MarioKart, making videos on his new camera, reading his Hot Wheels magazine, practicing breakdancing. For me, it means learning how to build my own website and start a business, deepening my Tarot study, honoring The Compact, and editing my novel. Even Ely, who doesn't have as much free time as Logan and I do, has been reading one of my Tarot books.

Unschooling--life-learning--is all about following our passions, so it's impossible to blog about it without blogging about all of life. I'm making a personal commitment to write here at least three times a week, and document our family's journey in all its juicy, messy, wonderful glory.

By the way, like the new look? This template was free at yummy lolly

Elevator Speech

2009-10-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

After two recent homeschool gatherings, where I somehow couldn't manage to explain unschooling coherently, I realized I need an "elevator speech". This is a concept I first heard about in our former UU church (UUism is another thing that's hard to explain!). If I was riding in an elevator with someone, and they asked me what unschooling was, would I be able to describe it clearly and positively in 50 words or less, before the elevator doors open?

At our last park day, there were two moms brand new to homeschooling. As one of the only unschoolers there, I felt like it was my job to advocate for unschooling, and I failed miserably. I saw the look of confusion on one mom's face as I tried to explain it, and then came the question: "Wait a minute--so you don't make him do anything?? At all? What do you DO all day?" The other mom seemed to be listening intently, and nodding, and then said, "I've heard Calvert is really good." Aaarrgh!

To further muddy the waters, I've come to realize that there's a big difference between people who are just unschooling academics (an oxymoron if ever there was one), and whole-life unschoolers like us. I've been so steeped in the RU (Radical Unschooling, another term for whole-life unschooling) lifestyle the last few months, that I forget that most of the moms I'm talking with in real life have never even heard the term. They're just trying to wrap their minds around not using a curriculum, and here I am babbling on about unconditional parenting and no bedtimes, and god knows what else. Let's edge away slowly from the crazy lady, dear.....

So. My mission for today is to create my "elevator speech" so that when unsuspecting newbies ask me about unschooling, I don't scare them away. Does anybody have a good one I can use?

Adventures in Salem, Mass.

2009-09-05T09:40:00.000-07:00

After the conference ended on Sunday afternoon, we decided to go exploring in nearby Salem, since I'm interested in all things witchy. What a cool town! We didn't see as much as there is to see--not enough time, plus a lot of things were closed due to Sunday blue laws--but we saw enough to want to visit again sometime...preferably at Halloween!

First stop was Artist's Row, a brick alley lined with little galleries and shops, and an open-air cafe at the end.

Then we walked around this very old cemetery for a while, reading the gravestones. There were so many children! It was heartbreaking. One poor family lost a different child three years in a row. Can you imagine? It makes you thankful for modern medicine.

This looked like some kind of spellwork to me. These shoes were filled with salt, and a small note (which we didn't read or disturb), under a tree in the cemetery.

Adjacent to the graveyard, there's a stone memorial for all the people who were executed in the Salem witch trials. They were all hung, except for this poor guy, who was pressed to death. We speculated as to the exact nature of the execution, and why he was so unfortunate, and we found our answer in a children's book we bought later in the day: they laid him down in a field, placed a wooden board on his chest, then piled the board with heavy rocks. Why? Because he had the gall to plead "not guilty." I used to know all this....must watch The Crucible again!

A kind stranger took this photo for us.

Our new friends, Debbie and Johnny Evil. (Is that a great name, or what?? It's real, he showed us his license.) We bonded with them because Ely was wearing his Steelers jersey and Johnny is a fellow Steelers fanatic. In Salem, of all places! They told us we HAVE to come back in October, that Salem in October is like Mardi Gras every night. (The stores are decorated for Halloween all year round.) Plus, Ely, Johnny, and Debbie all have birthdays in October, and our wedding anniversary is in October. It's one of the advantages of being married to such an extrovert--we make friends wherever we go.

This was a beautiful wooden schooner docked at the waterfront and open for free tours.

Logan thought this was a stripper pole. How does my 7-yr.-old even know there's such a thing as a stripper pole? Because his friend Damien's mom has one in her bedroom! Thanks a lot, Damien's mom.

My boys. I love this pic.

This one, too.

Lots of touristy, macabre photo ops.

Our First Conference!

2009-09-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

Ely told the kids to "strike a pose."

Kandee Wright and Dayna Martin, and their very comfy babies

Keith Wright, Eli Gerzon, Ely, and Joe Martin

Last weekend, Ely, Logan and I went to Wakefield, Mass. for our very first unschooling conference. It was so empowering to finally meet other families actually living this way. To be honest, I already knew most of the nuts-and-bolts, how-to-unschool stuff from all the reading I've done. I get it. This conference, for me, was all about forging a real connection to the unschooling community in a way that the internet just cannot do. We met so many amazing people. I came away energized and galvanized, more sure than ever that unschooling is the way to go for our family. Plus, it was just so much fun!

Some random impressions and memories:

--an adorable little girl strumming her plastic guitar at the talent show

--all the confident, outgoing, interesting teens and young adults

--Logan joyfully being chased down the hall by his new friends, all chanting his name

--Ely bonding with other unschooling dads, and realizing that maybe I'm not so crazy with this unschooling thing, after all

--enjoying the very talented unschooled singer songwriter Julian Baptista, and the unschooled Ryan siblings' Irish folk band, Fishing with Finnegan

--listening to Dayna Martin's talk on Sunday morning with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes because her words hit so close to home

--sitting on the floor late into the night, drinking, laughing, and talking with other unschooling moms

--actually winning some cool stuff at the auction!

--not wanting it to end

Swarms of Books and Flying Ants

2009-07-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

I see that somehow almost three weeks have gone by since my last post! When I disappear from my blog for weeks at a time, you can safely assume I've been on a book jag. Let's see....what have I read in the last few weeks? Radical Unschooling by Dayna Martin (AMAZING, and I will write a review here and on Amazon when I have more time), The Strain by Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan (devoured it in two days), Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (I need to get the DVD and make my husband watch because he's not really getting what I'm doing), Amazing Grays by Maggie Rose Crane (about embracing aging), and now I'm halfway through Julie and Julia by Julie Powell (I'm on a major foodie kick). Still on my to-be-read stack are three new Tarot books, two Wicca books, Queen of Broken Hearts by Cassandra King, two books by Byron Katie (I want to see what all the fuss is about "the Work"), and Heat by Bill Buford (another foodie memoir). And that's not even counting the paperback I started to read in Borders the other day called This Little Mommy Stayed Home by Samantha Wilde (daughter of one of my favorite writers Nancy Thayer) which had me drawing stares from strangers because I was laughing so hard. I put it back on the shelf because it wasn't in the budget that day, but I keep thinking about it. Hilarious!

So, what with my heavy reading schedule and all, you can see why it's difficult to find time to post here. Also, every computer in the house is not working at the moment, except the one I'm currently writing this post on, Chelsea's itty bitty laptop. Four people sharing one computer is not pretty.

In other news, we've been invaded by swarms of flying ants. We've lived in this house for 18 years, and have had our share of critter problems (on my old blog, I wrote about The Great Squirrel Infestation of 2004), but flying ants are a first. Yesterday Logan and I went online to determine that they were, in fact, flying ants and not termites. They're definitely ants, which I suppose is slightly better than termites, but still not great. They could be carpenter ants, and they're definitely coming from under the house. We learned that this swarming behavior will only last a few days--they're basically emerging to mate and then die--but that doesn't change the fact that we have a colony of ants living in our crawlspace that is eventually going to have to be exterminated.

I guess we'll add "exterminator" to the list of stuff we need to save for, after computer repairs, a new central air system (or at least some freon before it gets really hot), and spending money for our trip to the NE Unschooling Conference next month. Actually, I have our money situation well in hand these days, but it would be nice to have a month or two go by without some kind of unexpected expense. You would think that after 18 years as a homeowner I would learn to expect the unexpected!

Book Sharing Monday

2009-06-15T16:19:00.000-07:00

Logan and I just finished one of my all-time favorite books from childhood. It was the first chapter book I ever read by myself, The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster. First published in 1961, it introduces us to a bored and apathetic little boy named Milo, and what happens after he comes home from school one day to find a package containing a mysterious tollbooth in his bedroom. Having nothing better to do, he climbs into his little toy car, unfolds the enclosed map of The Lands Beyond ("Beyond what?" Milo wonders), and drives through the booth into a magical land where he befriends the huge dog Tock and the ever-anxious Humbug. Before he knows it, he and his new companions are embarking on a dangerous and difficult quest through the Kingdom of Wisdom to save a pair of exiled princesses.

For someone like me, who loves words so much I could eat them up (and in the city of Dictionopolis, they can!), this story is a smorgasbord of clever wordplay that is great fun to read aloud with your kids. The story is just as magical as I remembered, and the illustrations by Jules Feiffer are terrific, especially the map of The Lands Beyond at the front of the book. Logan referred to it again and again to determine where exactly the action was taking place.

Highly recommended for bibliophiles of all ages.

A Born Superstar

2009-06-12T18:37:00.000-07:00

I am a very happy girl today, and this is why:

This boy is pure perfection in every way. I haven't been this obsessed with a celebrity since my crush on Bobby Sherman when I was 8 years old.

I said it the first time I laid eyes on him and heard him sing, and I'll say it again--Adam Lambert is going to be a huge star. I'm finally over the fact that he didn't win...after all, it's not Kris on the cover of Rolling Stone is it??

Connecting with others

2009-05-30T10:00:00.001-07:00

Last week, Logan and I went to a homeschool outing to historic Cold Spring Village and met some other homeschoolers in the area. We even met some other unschoolers! My plan is to start an unschooling group based here in South Jersey, and so far I've corresponded with about six other parents who expressed an interest. I'm still mulling over my vision for the group, but I know I'd like to include regular support gatherings, casual playdates or park days for the kids, a Yahoogroups discussion list, a lending library, and information for newbies (when I'm no longer a newbie myself!). I was a La Leche League leader for several years, and that's a support model I like and with which I'm familar. I'm also going to look into Unschooling United, founded by Dayna Martin. It's a network of local unschooling support groups led by facilitators, which sounds very similar to LLL in concept, although I would imagine facilitators would need more than a month-and-a-half of experience! She has a Yahoogroup for people who are interested in facilitating, so the first step is becoming a member and joining that group. I really do believe that, just as with breastfeeding, good information and a support network are key to sticking with unschooling for the long haul.

Okay, now they pissed me off

2009-05-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

I just spent a glorious Memorial day afternoon typing a letter to our local superintendent (Hamilton Twp. school district in Atlantic County, NJ so local homeschoolers, beware). The letter speaks for itself so I'll just post the whole thing in its entirety (names changed to protect the guilty):

"Dear Ms. Superintendent:
As a courtesy, I am writing to inform you that my son Logan R., who attended XXXX School through April 14, 2009, has been homeschooled since that date and will continue to be educated at home unless we inform the district otherwise, in accordance with N.J.S.A. 18A:38-25.

I received two calls and a letter from Mr. Principal (including one on my cell on Memorial Day weekend), as well as a call from Hamilton Twp. Attendance Officer, all expressing the dire need for me to send this letter. Ms. Officer threatened us with legal action. In fact, the letter we received from Mr. Principal contained the erroneous information that I needed to “request permission” from the superintendent in order to homeschool my son, which, as I am sure you are aware, is simply not true in the state of N.J.

According to the N.J. Dept. of Education's “Homeschooling Frequently Asked Questions” parents are not even required to notify the school district of their intent to homeschool. They do encourage homeschooling parents to send one if there is a possibility that the child might be suspected of truancy, which clearly was not an issue in our case. Logan's teacher was informed in writing a week before we pulled him out, the entire staff of Kid's Korner knew in advance, and Mr. Principal himself knew shortly thereafter. When I spoke to Mr. Principal on the phone, I assured him that I would send this letter. I always had every intention of doing so before the end of the school year, as a courtesy. I shouldn't have had to hear from him or anybody else again (especially not on a holiday weekend).

I appreciate the school district's desire to dot all its i's and cross all its t's, but we all know that the same thing could have been accomplished by simply slapping a Post-it on Logan's file that says “homeschooled.” It serves no purpose to alienate conscientious parents by making them feel like criminals. I've enclosed a copy of the Dept. of Education's FAQs in the hopes that the school district will stay within the bounds of the law and stop insisting that new homeschoolers “request permission” and/or send letters of notification they are not legally obligated to send unless the school suspects that their child is truant. Again, that was not an issue in our case.

So here's your letter, and presumably you now have all your ducks in a row. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me in writing at the above address. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Denise R.

What Goes Up....

2009-05-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

What a week! On Wednesday we went on a terrific homeschool outing to a historic village with our local homeschooling group. There were 169 of us there! That's pretty amazing for a group that didn't even exist the first time I homeschooled. I took lots of pictures, but have yet to upload them so that'll have to wait until my next post. The weather was gorgeous, and Logan was really into it. At the living history exhibits, he asked lots of good questions. We met some new people and had a really good time.

But later that evening, he and his friend Damien were playing out front--supposedly kicking a soccer ball around--when I heard a loud thunk, and then Damien say, "Ohmygosh, are you all right?" I looked out the window, to see Logan holding the top of his head and say uncertainly, "I think so..."

But then he took his hand away and saw the blood. I bolted to the front door to let him in, and by that time his face and his shirt were already covered in blood. I pressed my hand onto what I thought was the general location of the wound and began banging on the bathroom door where my husband Ely was getting ready to take a shower. He heard Logan's shrieking, and opened the door. By this time my hand was covered in blood and it was dripping onto the floor. There was SO. MUCH. BLOOD. I grabbed the nearest towel, wet it, and pressed it onto his head. Believe it or not, Ely and I were completely calm. We've already lived through this scenario several times with the older kids, and we are both emergency room veterans.

Poor Damien was hanging back by the door not sure what to do. "What hit him, Damien?" I asked.

"A rock," he answered miserably. God. So that was the sound I heard--a rock connecting with my son's skull. "We were throwing rocks up into the tree. Is he okay?"

"Well, he's bleeding a lot, but he'll be fine," I said, over Logan's hysterical screaming. "You should probably go home."

In the middle of all this, Logan had to pee, I was still trying to staunch the bleeding with the towel, and Ely went out to the yard to try and find the offending rock. It was huge--a big hunk of granite. What were they thinking?? "We--we were trying to hit the branches and it bounced off and hit me," Logan managed to get out.

Well, four hours in the ER and four stitches later, Logan's inch-long head gash was finally closed up and we came home at midnight to learn that Adam Lambert had lost American Idol. So, a crappy evening all around!

All Grown Up

2009-05-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

My beautiful Chelsea with her BFFs Rachael, Erica, and Ashley, and her "he's not my boyfriend" Mike, all ready for her first prom. Yes, she's public schooled, and very happy about it--particularly at times like this. Me? I'm just in awe of the amazing young woman she has become. She has grown into my best friend, and I can't imagine life without her.

7 Blocks

2009-05-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

This morning, I wanted a newspaper. Normally I just hop in the van and drive the 7 blocks to Wawa (a ubiquitous South Jersey convenience store, for those not from around here), but today finally the sun was out and the day was scrubbed clean and gorgeous. "Hey, why don't we walk?" I said to Logan.

The first interesting thing we came upon was a squashed frog in the road. Of course Logan wanted to take an up-close and personal look so we did. Then we noticed we were walking through a drift of pink flower petals and I pointed out to Logan that the tree above us was losing its flowers and growing new spring leaves. We took a good look at the nearest branch and then I caught the unmistakeable aroma of lilac. Sure enough, behind the tree was a flowering lilac bush. We both buried our faces in the blooms and inhaled deeply. "It smells kind of like vanilla," Logan said.

We went to take our usual detour down a dirt road that leads to a lake, but saw that there was a newly strung chain across the way, and a very definitive sign warning us to Keep Out! All righty then. So we kept going down the street and--omigod--I almost stepped on a snake! It was right at the edge of somebody's lawn, about a foot into the road. I recognized it as a cousin of the garter snake that almost gave me a heart attack in my backyard last year. It was perfectly still, except for its little tongue darting in and out. We squatted down to take a closer look (Logan closer than I). We noticed that the lawn's owners had just mowed, and surmised that the snake was probably trying to escape the mower. "Yeah, but what if it gets hit by a car?" Logan asked. I wished that I was brave enough to pick it up and throw it back into the grass, but alas, I was not. I asked Logan if he wanted to pick it up and throw it back, and he also declined. So we kept going, crossing our fingers that the snake would make it to safety.

Less than a block away, what should we find in the road, but damn! A smushed snake! We gave this one a wide berth since it had flies all over it, and then suddenly noticed that we were walking through a swirling storm of floating white fuzzies. "What the heck...?" There were hundreds of them! They looked like dandelion fluff, but they seemed to be coming from way high up in the trees. We shielded our eyes and peered into the sky but we couldn't figure out where they were coming from. Laughing, we snatched at the air, trying to catch some, but they were elusive little buggers. As we walked, the cloud thinned out and disappeared and then reappeared about a block later. This time, it was obvious where they were coming from--the ground. Logan said, "It was dandelion fluff."

"Mystery solved," I said. "The wind must have carried it up above the trees, and then they floated back down. Now you know why there are dandelions all over the place."

"Why?"

"Those are seeds. The wind carries them away and wherever they land--presto! More dandelions."

"I didn't see any seeds," said Logan. So we picked a dandelion puffball, and pulled out a few fuzzies so he could see the seeds attached to the ends.

By now we had almost gotten to Wawa, and Logan noticed muddy tire tracks on the newly paved road. He spent a few minutes speculating as to what type of vehicle might have made the tracks, and decided that that it must have been some kind of truck. We spent our last few minutes before going into the store reading the names some kids had written in the concrete. We bought our newspapers and some munchies and headed back home.

As we passed the spot where our friendly neighborhood garter snake had been, we were very relieved to see he was nowhere in sight, and so had clearly made it across the street unscathed. We resolved to be braver in the future and pick up and move any imperiled snakes to safety.

As we turned back onto our street, I said, "I'm sure glad we didn't take the van."

Logan smiled up at me, clutching his dandelions. "Me too."

Golden Ticket?

2009-05-06T09:58:00.000-07:00

There are lots of homeschool-related things percolating in my head today--Park Days; connecting with others; what our "typical day" is starting to look like; unschooling; the call I received today from Logan's former principal. I'm sure I'll write about all of that soon. But what's foremost in my mind is my oldest son Zach--the one child of mine who sailed through public school with nary a glitch. Zach was one of those kids for whom everything came easily: I never had to help him with homework, his teachers all loved him, he effortlessly maintained straight A's throughout his school career. By the time he graduated high school, he was a multi-sport athlete and was a member of the National Honor Society, a happy, confident young man. He applied and was accepted to Drexel University as a Finance major. We hadn't ever pushed him to attend college; we didn't have to. It was simply a natural assumption. Of course, he was going to college. He was so bright! He had been on a college track since first grade, and none of us had ever even thought to question it. After all, a college degree was the golden ticket to happiness, security and success, right? If he had doubts back then, he never shared them with me. Then again, I never asked.

But shortly after he went away to Drexel (he wasn't even 18 yet), problems began to crop up. For the first time his grades began to suffer. He flunked his first class ever. He began to question his choice of major. He became very active in his fraternity to the exclusion of almost everything else. By the end of his freshman year, his grades were abysmal, he was miserable, and he no longer wanted to continue at Drexel. So he came home to live with his dad (my ex) and attended our local community college for a year to bring his grades up and figure out what he wanted to do. Community college was a piece of cake for him--his grades shot back up to almost a 4.0--but living with his dad most definitely was not. At this time he was working with me at Chili's (where I've worked as a waitress for 13 years) and we talked a lot about his "future plans". He was feeling increasingly anxious and pressured because he really just didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, and now I'm forced to admit that a lot of that pressure probably came from me and his dad. He finally decided to transfer to another college about 45 minutes away from home, a college where a lot of his friends attended. He rented an apartment just off campus with three other guys, and has spent the last three years plugging away at his Finance degree, working almost full-time as a waiter, interning part-time at Smith-Barney, and getting deeper and deeper into debt with student loans (close to $40,000 at last count). Most of his friends graduated last year, but because Zach changed schools twice some of his credits didn't transfer, so he's still looking at another half- to full year before he will have that degree.

We rarely see him anymore because he's been working so hard. Several months ago, I tried to pin him down just long enough to have dinner together, and he said, "Mom, I just can't. I have no free time. I have no time when I'm not at school, or one of the jobs." He sounded so exhausted and resigned to the drudgery that was his life! My heart was breaking for him.

He finally came by around Easter, when we had just pulled his little brother Logan out of school. Logan asked him, "So what are you learning about in college, Zach?"

Zach replied, "Absolutely nothing, kid." Then, "No, scratch that. I'm learning how to be a very good little worker bee." Logan's only 7, but even he knew very well that meant. Later on, Zach told me privately, "You now, Mom, when you homeschooled Cody and Chelsea I thought you were nuts." (He was just entering high school at the time.) "But now I get completely why you're doing it, and I'm behind you 100%. Get that poor kid out now before they eat him up and spit him out."

But there was also a new life to Zach, a sparkle in his eye that hadn't been there for a while. He was excited about something! We knew he had been working on composing and producing music for some time, but he and two of his friends had set up a MySpace page with samples of their music, and the response had been tremendous. They had over 100 "friends" in less than 24 hours, and tons of positive comments. Their music is good--really, really good. (His brother Cody--younger than Zach by four years-- is also a very talented composer, and the two of them were working on very similar things, unbeknownst to each other, for almost a year. They are now collaborating on some projects, and Zach says Cody actually taught him quite a bit. How cool is that!)

So when Zach's call came the other day, I wasn't surprised. I could tell he was apprehensive about telling me, but he quit his internship at Smith-Barney. And he's not taking any summer classes, which means no degree for at least a year--if ever. Everything came to a head when Smith-Barney offered him a permanent job after graduation. He told me, "Mom, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life sitting in a cubicle, calling people who don't want to be called, trying to talk them into handing over their life savings. It's a soul-sucking way to make a living." He kind of laughed, and said, "I just wish I hadn't spent 40 grand and five years of my life figuring this out." Oh my poor baby! What if I had unschooled this child? Could I have saved him from all this?

I took a deep breath and told him I loved him no matter what, and that I'd probably do the exact same thing in his position. I told him that he had clear musical talent and that if his heart and gut are telling him to go for it, then that's what he should do. I told him that following his passion will never steer him wrong, and might lead to interesting places he can't even imagine right now.

I could feel his relief through the phone. I think he was expecting some kind of lecture. Instead, he said, "Wow, mom, thank you so much for supporting me in this!"

I've been doing some self-analysis these past couple days trying to figure out how the all-powerful piece of paper known as the College Degree managed to reach such grail-like status in our house. I don't have a degree. I was expelled from high school in my senior year. My husband doesn't have one. He never made it past the 8th grade. And yet we've reached a certain measurable level of "success" as defined by our society's idea of the American Dream. We own a home, and two cars. We've raised (are still raising) four kids. We pay our bills on time. We have a houseful of "stuff".

But the older I get the more I find I'm redefining my personal idea of success. Now I look at success through the lens of my relationships, how I use my precious time, how I'm growing as a person. Some people might look at me and see: 46-year-old waitress. How could she possibly think of herself as a success? (My family stopped asking me when I was going to get a "real job" a long time ago.) But my job, with its flexible hours and short shifts, has allowed me the freedom to raise my kids with virtually no daycare for almost 23 years. It's allowed me the opportunity to homeschool with very little loss of income. It's given me the time to pursue my own passions--to learn Tarot, to read prodigiously, to hone my writing skills. If that's not success, then what is?

So why the fixation on a college degree? Why did we allow our unexamined expectations railroad our son onto a track he wasn't even sure he wanted? (And are we doing the same thing to 16-year-old Chelsea, who is considering colleges as we speak?) The only college-educated person I'm close to is my dad, who was an English teacher for many years, then a guidance counselor and school administrator. When I was a kid, we lived across from the high school where he taught. I was so proud he was a teacher! For a while, I thought I would probably grow up to be a teacher too. Our house growing up was steeped in school-think, and I guess it took root in me somewhere deep down inside.

Why wouldn't my mom's experience influence me just as much? She didn't finish college (she was pregnant with me), but she has reinvented herself so many times I've lost count: fashion model, retail manager, casino dealer and supervisor, business owner, to name just a few. She's the poster child for the idea that it's never too late to try something new. Not having a degree certainly never held her back.

I may never really know how deeply ingrained schoolish ideas are in me, or how they got there in the first place. It doesn't really matter, I suppose. My job now is to be vigilant and keep tearing them out by the roots every time they threaten to choke the relationships I've built (and am still building, every day) with my kids.

Homeschool Heaven

2009-04-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

What better way to commemorate my inaugural post than by showing off the bonanza of goodies that arrived from Barnes and Noble the other day? (Yes, there's a Tarot book in there for me, too.) We've been having a blast with the games--Logan loves Mille Bornes as I knew he would--but the big surprise was the Barenaked Ladies' Snacktime! cd of songs for children. I would totally listen to it even if I didn't have a kid in the car.

I devoured The Unschooling Unmanual in less than a day. For those who may wander in here and not know (hi Mom!), unschooling is much more than just a homeschooling method. It's a whole lifestyle, a way of living, parenting, and learning together as a family. It requires unlearning everything we ever thought we knew about getting a "proper education". That process of unlearning is called "deschooling", and that's where we're at now. If it looks like every day around here is Saturday, that's because we're living as though it is. No need for schedules, curriculum, textbooks, or tests. As these photos from our first few weeks attest, living IS learning!